beneath the matt

immobile, bored, and weary,

eyes heavy, feeling teary 

i watched 5 channels become 500 right before my eyes in a matter of minutes

and the sound of rain no longer soothed me but instead oppressed me

the colours of the rainbow bled into the carpet and turned my soul black and the changing of the clocks set be neither forward or back

i lost no sleep dreaming of that place 

that felt so familiar to me, yet still out of reach 

buried within, now imagine yourself on a beach

an allegory for change washes over you as a beam of sunlight strangles you – the soft breeze suffocates you – the soothing voice telling you how to breathe awakens your inner child and forces you to acknowledge how terrifying the world is that you can’t even breathe without someone on the internet telling you how to 

that you can’t even see past the wall of tiles that shout ‘me! me! choose me!’

and you can’t even feel without swiping up and down and that you won’t know true panic until the bar turns red and the little box says ‘battery low! charge now’

charge! charge! charge into battle with the numbers on your phone 

charge! charge! charge into war with the the thoughts in your head that have been forced to the surface of a pool filled with fear

prompted by fomo, out for a beer or in to shed a tear – you’re useless, pathetic, you’re worthless and incomplete 

without the latest ios update or the newest pair of beats 

you’ll never know true sunlight again and you’ll never hear the birds sing the same song

life is short, and your attention is money

swipe away each day and long

for the past that never was